All I Know

Mike and I looked at each other yesterday, moments after watching the announcement that Pope John Paul II had passed away, and noted that in our whole lifetime as Roman Catholics, we don't remember any other pope. We were alive prior to John Paul's ascension, but we were very little---both of us were born in late 1973, and JP II came to his post in 1978.

It was not until that moment that I realized that no matter who takes the Holy Father's place, no matter how long I live, Pope John Paul II will always be the measure by which I judge others, good or bad.

Words like life, peace, commitment, humility, charisma, caring---they all spring to mind when I think of John Paul II. Even the word catholic rings in my ear---not Catholic with the big C, but catholic with the little one, as this was a man who travelled more and worked harder to reach out to the entire community of God in a way that redefined the papacy, as well as set an examples for the body of Christ as a whole.

There are certainly stances of this pope, much in line with stances of the Roman Catholic church, that I did not agree with in their entirety. The handling of the sex scandal here in America jumps to the top of my list, for one. I would be a hypocrit to say now at the time of his death that everything he said sounded exactly right to me. But again, that brings up another honorable quality about this man that I cannot seem to let go of---his complete consistency. In an age of hypocrisy---a time where leaders cannot be trusted to conduct a personal life consistent with their public agenda, or even worse, cannot be trusted to share their faith from a place of humility instead of from a political instinct or motive---Pope John Paul II was straightforward, never-wavering, a man of his belief. Life, for example. How many times a year do I say, "there is no political party that truly supports the sanctity of life," throwing my hands up in frustration? What does "sanctity of life" mean? It's not about abortion---it's never been about abortion, per se. It means what good ol' JP II has always said it means---respect for life from creation to it's God-ordained end, respect and protection of the poor and suffering by the strong, avoidance of war and conflict in favor of peace and diplomacy, and finally, forgiveness of humanity in all of it's frailty instead of revenge.

It's no secret I don't spend my time out on street corners trying to convince the nation to change it's abortion laws. One might argue that this is not in keeping with the pope's message, but I disagree. Belief must change, not law. Law is merely a reflection of a society's beliefs. Around the time I started really having trouble defining myself as prochoice (after many, many years of being an ardently prochoice Catholic), I saw two things that made me really pause. One was the website for a group called Feminists for Life. Most surprisingly, the other was a close reading of Pope John Paul II's writing on the "Gospel of Life," more formally called ENCYCLICAL LETTER, EVANGELIUM VITAE ADDRESSED BY THE SUPREME PONTIFF JOHN PAUL II TO THE BISHOPS, PRIESTS AND DEACONS, MEN AND WOMEN RELIGIOUS, LAY FAITHFUL, AND ALL PEOPLE OF GOOD WILL, ON THE VALUE AND INVIOLABILITY OF HUMAN LIFE. I spent so much time defending the fact that I didn't have to agree with the church on it's prolife stance just because the church told me to do so, I had never really read the argument on this point. Had JP II not been such an effective communicator and a beautiful writer, I doubt I ever would have budged in my defensiveness.

On the flip side of the coin, I had a very hard time dealing with the church's position on infertility. Having struggled with this issue so personally, I could not understand why the church, and Pope John Paul II, in particular, could not open up to more treatments and options for couples. I mean, we love children, right? They are a blessing and inheritance from God, right? I still can't say I completely agree with all the intricacies of the church's position, but I can say this. Suffering does, in fact, bring you closer to God. You can fight it, you can be angry about it, and you can question it everyday, but nothing makes you rely more on a Father, Savior, and Holy Spirit more than a longing unfufilled. I can also comment on the current state of reproductive endocrinology. There are great people in the field---people who want to diagnose and help infertile couples in need. And there are others---those who will treat you like cattle, and treat any offspring you desire like a car or a home or another expensive investment that you can purchase from them. It was not until we had our first consultation---the bad one, for those who have read this blog for awhile---that I realized how impersonal and how removed from love or creation or God infertility treatment can be. It doesn't have to be. But it can be. And I saw, for the first time, how opening the door to all the bells and whistles of our new medical technology can really be opening the lid to a Pandora's box. I still don't completely agree with the church, but I did respect it's position.

It will be a strange day in this next month when a new pope is named. I hope that it is someone from Latin America or Africa---someone who can continue to stretch the boundaries that Pope John Paul II began to move. We need a world with as many good, consistent, honest men as we can in our vision. We long for heroes. I pray we can find our next one, and I mourn the one we've lost.